In a shocking turn of events, the Kaliro District Woman MP, Hon. Brenda Namukuta, finally used her seat in parliament for more than just warming it. She opened her mouth! During Tuesday’s plenary session, Namukuta made headlines when she tearfully requested protection, not from political rivals, but from a far more daunting opponent: her husband.
Sources inside the parliamentary chambers say the usually quiet MP left fellow lawmakers slack jawed when she detailed her husband’s five “Jet Li” inspired beatings, blaming his martial arts moves for her many bruises. Rumor has it, her husband watched too many kung fu movies and has been perfecting his roundhouse kicks ever since.
“I didn’t support the Ssekikubo motion to censure corrupt commissioners, so naturally, he went full Bruce Lee on me!” Namukuta revealed, before appealing to Deputy Speaker Thomas Tayebwa for backup. “Please, lend me a bodyguard or two, I’ll even settle for a bouncer from one of the city nightclubs!”
MPs tried to contain their shock, but whispers about a potential “Jet Li Protection Program”, for parliamentarians quickly circulated. When asked if she planned to support future motions, Namukuta said, “If it stops the flying kicks at home, I’m all in!”
No word yet on whether the Speaker will consider hiring actual martial artists to handle the situation, but insiders say Namukuta’s next move is to introduce a bill, The Domestic Chuck Norris Deterrence Act.
Stay tuned!
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