By Joseph M. Mumbe
Much as all of us are God’s creatures, we have different traits / personalities. Each individual has both weaknesses and strengths in life. It is important for partners to understand each other in order to ably handle challenges which are part of life.
Challenges can emerge in any relationship in any way and any form regardless of one’s education status, age, physique etc. Fortunately, these challenges are both preventive and corrective in nature. It is better to fence out challenges in your relationship than open up a hospital to treat them from within. Medically, prevention is better than cure.
Most challenges occur in marriage when the two fail to recognize each other’s roles. She struggles for her love and he struggles for his respect and the two fail to reach the drawing board. My senior Pastor, Isaac Wabomba says, People quarrel when a relational gap has been created and that is the reason they shout no matter how close to each other they are. The result will be the spirit of the wife reacting to that of the husband and the vice vasa. The spirit of the wife will react when there is:
- Awareness that she is not number one in his life:
Whenever your spouse discovers that she is not the number one in your life, a relational gap is created and a sense of insecurity surfaces. Her contribution is minimized since you seem to have another in your life. Build trust in your spouse to acknowledge she matters in your life.
- Failure to recognize her attempts to please him:
The number one in your life should be a source of marital pleasure. She should be an encourager, co-parent to up bring the children and raise the economy. Try to appreciate her effort, speak well and praise her. She needs a word from you. In case of a mistake, correct her in a loving way.
- Unfavorable comparison.
The one mistake you should never commit is to compare your spouse with another however excellent they are. Whether on physical growth, expertise or reasoning ability, be careful while you speak before your spouse. She can be inwardly saying, “Is she the only woman you have seen? You just have a crush on her.” Imagine how hurting it is to tell your spouse “Be like other women!” How do you test other women and who is your favorite? Be sensitive about the insecurities of your spouse.
- Rejection to her opinion:
Rejection can lead to anxiety, stress and difficulty in one expressing one’s needs and to some extent, mental health. Her opinions may range from issues in the living room like finance, personal needs and child up bringing to bedroom issues. It is unbiblical to deny your partner his or her conjugal rights simply due to unresolved issues (I Cor. 7:5)
- Lack of spiritual leadership:
Women only want to see and have men who are visionary, with a sense of direction and one to depend on. In other words, they want a head (Eph. 5:22), a point of reference, father figure and defender. Naturally, women are created to submit to some form of authority so don’t tempt them. Failure to be what she expects, your powers shall be usurped, negatively used and the next thing will be open confession “I am both a mother and father in my family.”
- Lack of open sharing:
Not openly sharing with your spouse can serve as block in growth of relationship. Self- disclosure gains the longer the people stay together and also opens room for romance. It is another form of give- take among partners. Do not only bring what has startled you at table but also bring what has made your day. Such communication airs our doubt and bridges relationship. Have something new to share. Your partner will anxiously wait for it.
- Attempts to correct her in public:
Some men take it light by giving orders to their spouse in public as if they are giving to children. Such has a tendency of hurting and not only lowering your partner’s reputation but also damaging the respect others have over both of you. Stop those unnecessary jokes about your partner in public. Some people will doubt if they are jokes or realities. Although she may not confront you too, her facial expression can tell that she is not at ease but hurt. Somebody said, “Correct each other in private, defend each other in public”.
The author is a Theologian and Educator
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