HENRY MUTEBE: Why we need more ABBAs in our families: My ten cents on the Abba- Chameleone situation 

Let me first admit: I do not have enough information to form an opinion on the rights and wrongs of the ABBA/Chameleone situation. I don’t even want my voice in this conversation to be interpreted as passing judgment. My hope is to reflect thoughtfully.

In the ABBA-Chameleone situation, there are many moving parts, with different elements pulling in various directions. We know very little to sit as judges. To form an opinion, you have to situate yourself somewhere and accept to see things from that angle—while remaining humble enough to admit that you don’t have a full, 360-degree appreciation of the situation.

I’ve read and listened to diverse commentary on this issue. Here, I offer my reflections—my ten cents.

First, credit where it is due: Daniella and Jose Chameleone have raised a brilliant son in ABBA. Anyone who has listened to the first video the young man made will appreciate the quality of his thoughts, the manner in which he articulated the issues, his choice of words, and his courage.

From where I sit, these two have succeeded in the most critical role of any parent: raising a functional adult. ABBA has done the most. He flew from childhood and rose when duty called. He has my respect, and here’s why.

When discussing this issue, we must ask: who are the most important people in this situation? For me, it’s the children. The starting point of our thinking should therefore be where the children are—focusing inward, not outward.

If you were ABBA or any of Chameleon’s children, it wouldn’t matter how much money Chameleon has or earns. You would simply want a father. A child wants their father alive—rich or poor—not the superstar Jose Chameleon. Possessions don’t matter. In that sense, ABBA floors us. He is simply being a child- asking for what rightly belongs to him- the Joseph, whom we possess as a public.

Some argue the child is risking his father’s business. Others say he is disrespectful for not appreciating the privileges his father has provided—like expensive schools or a great lifestyle. But this misses the mark.

ABBA rightly pointed out that it is a father’s responsibility to provide for his child. That simple statement reveals the man in him. ABBA understands that as a man, he must one day provide for his family—not as a favour, but as a duty. For me, he ticks that box- wonderfully. Jose and Daniella get my flowers on that. That is a son raised well.

I want to also admit that many of us who lack money (to the tune of Chameleone’s wealth) assume money is the most important thing and that everything else should be overwritten. We think money will solve all our life’s problems. I think ABBA has taken us to class here. He is telling us that a child needs his father- not his money. Those who have money often realize its limitations. Some things—like presence and connection—cannot be bought. That’s what ABBA is simply saying.

Sadly, our society often wires us-men to endlessly chase money, losing sight of what matters most: family. I sympathize with Jose Chameleone, who may have fallen into this societal trap just like many of us are also grappling with this challenge. Many of us pushing, chasing, and doing everything to get that extra money, but in the end, we are losing sight of the most important thing in our lives- our families.

In my experience helping people in palliative care write their life stories, I have often noticed one thing that threads through all the patients I have worked with. As patients reflect on their lives, they are rarely concerned about business or bank accounts. Instead, they wrestle with how they treated their loved ones—family.

If a man walked out on his wife and loses her, and she is not there at his bedside as he is battling with life, or a chronic disease, that is one of their regrets. For those who are lucky, whose wives stay and nurse them, they simply cannot thank heavens enough. They realise that the people they forgot, the people they left are the ones by their bedsides. They are forever grateful.

I have seen men regret neglecting their children or partners. I have also seen those who were comforted by the bonds they nurtured. At life’s end, it’s family—not fame or fortune—that truly matters. This is the denominator in all these stories.

In Chameleone, I see a man who has given himself to the world- and we are grateful but I think this has come at the cost of losing pieces of his family. I pray that nature and the heavens are kind to him to make him recover the most important thing in life especially as he tends towards the post-fame era.

I think that at 45 years old, Chameleone has achieved greatness in music. He has nothing more to prove. Continuing to push could risk diminishing what he’s already accomplished or losing his family. He needs to slow down, rest, reconnect and even lose some of the useless people around him who see him because he has money.

Being Chameleone means you don’t even know your true friends. Few rich people know their true friends. You simply have people around who see you as a commodity- to be used. For as long as you are with them, their needs are met. You have people who fear to caution you. You have yes men and women.

I also think that Chameleon has peaked. I feel that nothing he can do can add to what he has done. In fact it takes away. There are artists like Chameleone, Juliana Kanyomozi, Afrigo Band, who simply made the timeless pieces and don’t need to add. If they do, they subtract from it. All they need to do is manage the businesses they have established from the money they made from music.

When they organise an annual show, we shall still show up and the show sells out. I think that the test of the wisdom of any artist, and not just artist, but all of us, is to know when to see that what you have done is enough. Great artists know when to step back, and Chameleone should consider this wisdom.

Look at Afrigo Band—they have stopped producing new music, yet their timeless classics still sell out shows. Chameleone’s era doesn’t have to end badly. Being Jose Chameleone means spending sleepless nights on the road, away from family, trying to please the public, and make extra money.

The balance between making an extra dollar and spending time with loved ones is a test many of us fail. And this where I can not blame Chameleone. It is not an easy decision to make. There is always that feeling, that there will be a tomorrow when you will see your family. But life is fragile.

Artists like Chameleone often surround themselves with “yes men” who won’t challenge them, even when self-destruction looms. For a wife or child, speaking up against such a larger-than-life figure can feel impossible. So you just have to applaud ABBA and also feel sorry for him. He has had to step up and become a parent to his parent- by appealing to him to recognise that he has a problem with alcohol and needs help.

I think that ABBA’s courage in speaking out reflects years of internal struggle. There must have been efforts to talk about this, with his father. There must have been many silent nights when Daddy didn’t return or missed birthdays, and Mama had no answers. For Chameleone, he likely felt his absences were for his family’s benefit. It is a hard stretch for all, and many of us, put in the same situation would probably have failed the test.

But ABBA’s cry for help is a gift for Chameleone. It’s the voice of a son who cares deeply for his father, more than any business associate or adoring fan ever could. When all of us have gone and moved on to other ‘musics’ and artists, his family will be the last crowd standing.

Being a public figure of Chameleons status takes a lot. You have all the temptation to abuse alcohol to keep up with the sleepless nights and extended hours. You have drugs at your disposal to give the courage, and the highs you need to remain creative and perform. Sadly, you have many useless ‘friends’ who will see you self-destruct while they cheer you. You don’t know who is a genuine friend. There are many fakes around you. Those voices of caution fear to tell you the truth. You live in a bubble.

For Chameleone—and for all of us, especially men—the lesson here is to value what matters most: family. From our jobs and businesses, we may get money and applause and it is very fleeting, but family stays. They are the ones who will love you when the lights fade, who will care when the stage is empty.

We owe our families a sober, present, and whole version of ourselves—not the fragments left after chasing applause.
Chameleone’s greatest act now may not be a new song or performance, but bowing out with grace- for some time, and prioritizing his family. That, I believe, would be his most timeless masterpiece. Chameleone’s era can be an error, if he does not recognise that in his son, God came down and talked to him.

Chameleone, and all of us, have one body. We are going to live in this body for the rest of our lives. Whatever we put in it, we shall have to account for it. ABBA is the friend, the son, the child, we all need in our lives- to call us out, when we lose our wisdom to live and enter in self-destruct mode. Chameleone is a man in distress.

There are many of us, especially men, in distress and sometimes you just need that unwanted voice that helps you recover yourself from the dungeons of fake friends, the false promise of money, drugs and alcohol. Sometimes you just need those voices of restraint…and sadly, sometimes it comes harsh, but liberating. Someone should tell Chameleone, IT IS OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY. TAKE YOUR TIME, REST, RECONNECT WITH FAMILY, AND KNOW THAT YOU ARE DEARLY LOVED.