HENRY MUTEBE: The beauty and burden of parenting in Uganda

Being a parent has its own joys and sorrows and everything between. Many times you don’t choose them. They choose you instead.

A couple of weeks ago, our daughter came and told us that she wanted to contest for Assistant Head Girl in her school. She is in Primary three. As parents that encourage our children to be go getters, we were excited to hear about her ambition.

However, we had some reservations. Her mother probed abit to understand the dynamics better. This post is usually occupied by kids in upper classes. So we we shared our concerns about these dynamics and how they would influence the electoral outcomes.

However, our daughter told us she wanted to try. For me, from the start, just the fact that she was bold enough to give it a shot shook me to the bones. In primary three, I would barely stand before my own class and put together a sentence in English. This girl was already dreaming big. So I was excited to know that she was mastering courage and trying to mold her own leadership skills.

As days passed, she returned with her POINTS. She shared with us what she wants to do as Assistant Head Girl. She asked asked us to give her feedback. We happily did so.

She applied to contest and she was allowed into the race. A P.3 girl attempting to outrun a candidate in an upper class. It was going to be a tall order. But Gabby is like the forehead of a mingling stick. It does not fear boiling water.

She vigorously campaigned. She reached out to all classes, used her friends to reach out to their friends in other classes. All was set.

The final day for making final campaign speeches arrived. On game day, she was at her best. She made a speech, which according to her brother, in top class, was great. Harry (young brother) said, ‘Mummy, do you know Gabby stood in front of the whole school and gave a good speech. Even children clapped her for? I felt very good. I even told my friends that she is my sister’.

Now, on the day of voting, her opponent, who I would imagine should have been a good one, mobilized her class and many others in upper classes and secured the victory. She must have been a smart girl and I congratulate her.

Friends, my daughter came back so sad, and crying. She felt so bad losing. She asked why despite all she had done, she did not win. I felt the pain for my daughter. Our eyes became wet. The three of us. Except our son who didn’t understand why we were sad. The feeling of losing is a bitter one. I could see her broken. Gabby is the heart beat of my heart. I felt her pain. My little girl. She was hurting. No hug could comfort her. But we tried.

We counseled her, comforted her, explained to her the dynamics of life. We explained to her that in life all these things happen. Sometimes you win and sometimes you fail. We explained about the advantages of being in the upper classes and how that gives you more leverage and friends.

We explained to her that life gives you both and it’s okay to fail, sometimes. What is not okay is to give up on a good thing. She particularly pointed out that she saw one of her friends line up behind her opponent. That hurt her so deep. We tried to comfort her and tell her not to be angry about her friend and to reach out and ask what her friends wants her to do better next time.

We explained that some situation reveal your true friends… but also that she should not take it personal. We can be friends but differ in opinion or preferences. We tried to explain that it’s all good and it was her job to convince the others and that next time she will do better if she learns the lessons.

We assured her that as she scales up the classes, she is making more friends, more networks, and more advantage. We encouraged her to try again if she remains interested in the position.

I wasn’t with her but her mother gave her a thousand hugs, kisses and did everything to shower her with all the comfort she needed. She is still recovering from this experience.

She has been used to winning and never losing. So it struck her hard. I told her, this is all part of growing and learning. Every failure teaches a thing or two. I assured her that as a family we are very proud of her and shall always support her to pursue her dreams.

Me and Carol felt so bad watching out little girl cry so bad because of that experience yet deep in us, we knew she needed it. It builds character, helps one reflect, and reset. It helps one not take things for granted and it helps one appreciate what they have.

As a parent, your heart swings with all everything that happens to your child. When they succeed, you feel happy. When they fail, you cheer them up and keep them going.

These last days, I have been trying to be the best man I can be to my girl, and to hold
Her head high and make her know I am very proud of her.

Our daughter feels she failed, but as parents we feel that her courage to contest was the win- for us. We couldn’t have been more proud. But its hard to explain to her that the life ahead is full of unending possibilities and that she has the seed to germinate into many bigger things.

For now, we are dealing with the feeling of loss. She is recovering from the shock I think this was good for her. Gabby is used to winning. She now knows one has to work harder, be consistent and not take things for granted.

But as her first man, Her Dad, her friend, I am so proud of her and myself. This is a big achievement. I am more confident that I am raising a woman with the seed of my grandmother who was a leader, my mother who is a leader and my wife who is a leader. I am confident that she is going through the furnace of life. It stretches, refines and prepares you for life. She needs this from the start.

We have won by losing. I am proud of you my girl and all those children who believed in you and gave you their votes despite being in a junior class. And all those who voted your opponent, they did well. She must have been extremely good.

When Harry saw her sister crying, she said, ‘But Gabby, you don’t need to cry. You spoke well. Even my friends liked you but for us in Nursery we don’t vote.’ I love this man. This is my man.

I told her that she should find some time to thank those who voted her. And those who didn’t vote for her. This morning she tells me one her friends said ‘My eyes were not seeing properly’ and another a young one in P.2 said for her, and her friends just run to the line which looked longer. They didn’t know who they were voting for. Lol. I love kids.

I assured her that I am here for her. I am not going away and I will take her out to eat her favourate meal. The mood is improving. We are recovering slowly but surely.

Told her to hold head high because I am very proud of her and will always cheer her. We fail together, we win together… and in all we keep going.

#Family

#Parenting #daddydaughteradventures #Heart #myheart #leadershiplessons