Christmas is the season when we make time for family, no matter how imperfect that family may be. It may be fractured or broken, it may be spread across the world, but at Christmas our thoughts should turn towards our family members, which is why it is a hard time for those who have lost someone during the previous year.
Last week I attended the one-year memorial service of a friend who died last December. Bridget was only thirty-six when she died, leaving a husband and two young children. And because of the manner and suddenness of her death, it was as if she had been wrenched violently from her family, and there was no time to adjust to her passing. Even a full year later one could feel the raw wounds in the church. By the end of the service there was not a dry eye, as her husband struggled to keep his composure, and her brother simply put his head in his hands and sobbed. Losing someone like Bridget is painful, and the healing can be slow, but it also reminds us that we should value our friends and family and never take anyone for granted when they are alive. Each of our friends is unique, but it is easy for us to forget that, until it is too late. A person might have money, but if he doesn’t have anyone to share his experiences with, his life is empty.
Like many others who are on various ‘What’s App’ groups, it is a regular occurrence to read that someone’s mother or father has passed away, or even a member of the group itself. Then there will be a growing list circulated as members contribute condolences. The tradition of giving for funeral expenses is strong in Uganda, much more so than in western countries, where the relatives are usually left to cover funeral expenses themselves.
On the other hand, I have often wished there was more of a tradition of friends chipping in when the person was still alive, when there was still a chance of saving them. It sometimes seems there is more concern for the dead than the living. It was Jesus who made the statement ‘Let the dead bury their dead’, by which he meant that we need to be more concerned with the living because we cannot do anything more for the dead. We use the term ‘passed’ in the sense that the person has passed from life to death – they have gone to another realm where we can no longer reach them. Some people spend much of their time preparing for death through various religious rituals, but perhaps the best way that we can prepare for our own passing is to live our lives to make life better for others. Bridget was so lifegiving that all those who interacted with her became a little richer for the experience, and now that she is gone our lives are somehow less.
There is no special way to live one’s life, but we also know that this world is a balance of good and evil, and when evil tips the scales we get war and human suffering. The earth itself is delicately balanced ecologically, and in one way or another we all contribute to that balance. There are many who do not believe that anything they do will make any significant difference to this world, but this is not the case and each of us has a role to play. By each little interaction with another human being, one can make a positive or negative contribution to the life of that person.
The essence of the Christian message that Jesus the son of God came to be born in Bethlehem is that God was made man to identify with us as human beings – that people matter, no matter how obscure or how humble. And that is the message for us all – people matter, and it will be too late mourning them when they are gone. Now is the time to pick up the phone and tell your brother, or sister, or friend that you love them and are thinking about them. Now is the time to send them some money if they need it – while they are still alive. Now is the time to tell that person you work with that you appreciate him. Now is the time to make someone’s life just a little better.
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