# UK Grants Ugandan Arsenal Fans Visas Restricted Only to North London: “Gunners” Get Green Light, But Can’t Stray South of the Thames **
London, UK – August 18, 2025** – In a move that’s got football fans worldwide scratching their heads (and possibly their passports), the UK Home Office has announced a groundbreaking visa program exclusively for Ugandan Arsenal supporters.
Dubbed the “Gunner Gateway Visa,” it allows die-hard fans from the Pearl of Africa to enter the UK—but with a catch bigger than a Bukayo Saka miss: they’re confined strictly to North London. No sightseeing at Big Ben, no fish and chips in Brighton, and absolutely no venturing into Tottenham territory. Violators face immediate deportation back to Kampala, where they’ll have to console themselves with endless reruns of Arsenal’s 2004 Invincibles season.
The decision comes amid an explosive surge in Ugandan Arsenal fandom, which experts are calling “the most irrational obsession since the Beatles invaded America.” What started as a trickle of Premier League broadcasts in the 1990s has ballooned into a national mania.
Villages across Uganda are now painted in Arsenal’s signature red and white, with goats named after legends like Thierry Henry and cows branded with the cannon logo. In Kampala’s bustling markets, vendors hawk bootleg jerseys faster than you can say “North London Derby,” and local bars erupt into chaos during matches—win or lose.
“These fans are next-level crazy,” said Dr. Elijah Mubiru, a sociologist at Makerere University. “They’ve turned Arsenal into a religion. Weddings are scheduled around fixtures, and funerals feature eulogies quoting Arsène Wenger. It’s beautiful, but bonkers.” UK officials justify the visa as a “humanitarian gesture” to prevent what they call “fanatic overflow.”
Home Secretary Priti Patel’s successor, Sir Reginald Fotheringay-Smythe, explained in a press conference: “We’ve seen the videos—Ugandans scaling trees for better TV signals, entire families fasting during losing streaks. We couldn’t ignore their plight. But let’s be real: if we let them loose in the rest of the UK, they’d convert everyone to Goonerism. Imagine Stonehenge draped in Arsenal scarves? No thanks.”
The visa limits holders to a 10-mile radius around the Emirates Stadium, with GPS ankle monitors enforcing the boundary. Perks include free match tickets (standing room only) and mandatory attendance at all home games, rain or shine.
Ugandan fans are ecstatic, if geographically puzzled. “Finally, I can touch the holy ground where Ødegaard weaves his magic!” gushed Moses Kiggundu, a 32-year-old Kampala taxi driver who’s been saving for this since Arsenal’s last trophy drought began. “Who needs the rest of London? South of the river is Chelsea scum anyway.” But not everyone’s cheering.
Rival Manchester United supporters in Uganda have petitioned for their own visa, demanding access to Old Trafford with “no Arsenal contamination zones.” Arsenal manager Mikel Arteta welcomed the influx in a tongue-in-cheek statement: “These Ugandans bring the passion we need. Just don’t expect them to leave—ever.” Club officials are already planning “Uganda Corner” in the stadium, complete with matooke concessions and tribal dances at halftime.
Critics slam the policy as “discriminatory dribble,” arguing it favors one club over others. “What about Liverpool fans in Lesotho?” tweeted one disgruntled pundit. Meanwhile, immigration lawyers are swamped with appeals from Ugandan Tottenham fans, who claim the visa is “cruel and unusual punishment” for forcing them into enemy lines. As the first batch of 500 visa holders arrives next month, North London braces for an invasion of red-clad zealots. Will they boost Arsenal’s title hopes, or just clog the Tube with chants of “One Nil to the Arsenal”? Only time—and the VAR—will tell. In the meantime, Uganda’s Arsenal army marches on, visas in hand, dreams unrestricted… except by postcode.
(This is a satirical piece of writing. The normal UK visa guidelines still apply)🌞
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